When you and your partner are both busy, it’s all too easy for romance to take a backseat. Maybe you both have demanding jobs, or you’ve just welcomed a new baby to the family. Perhaps you’re caring for an elderly parent, or you’re deeply invested in your own time-consuming passion projects. Your schedules are full, and as the demands pile up, you have less and less time for each other.
Lots of couples have trouble keeping the romantic spark alive when life gets hectic. But maintaining intimacy doesn’t always require huge time investments or grand gestures. Here’s how transparency and intentional effort can help you and your partner rekindle your connection.
Let Go of Perfectionist Expectations
If it’s been a long time since you planned something romantic with your partner, it might be because you assume that “romance” has to look a certain way. However, you don’t have to book a reservation at an expensive restaurant or splurge on a fancy weekend getaway to keep romance alive.
Eating takeout together, folding laundry side by side, or even driving around listening to a playlist you made can feel romantic when you’re with the one you love! Anything that nurtures your connection is romantic, even if it doesn’t look like a romantic comedy.
Communicate Openly
Right now, it might feel like your partner needs more than you can give. Alternatively, you might be craving more attention and affection from your partner. Talk honestly about what you each need to feel connected.
Acknowledge that your individual needs and available energy can shift with your schedule demands and stress levels. You may not be able to “fix” the mismatch right now, but practicing active listening and validation can open up a productive conversation.
Don’t Overlook the Little Things
It’s tough to prioritize your relationship with your partner when you’re scrambling to get through your to-do list every day. Even if you can’t make room in your schedule for date nights, focus on small, meaningful interactions that require almost no time at all.
A quick check-in call, a tight hug, or a funny text can all add up and foster your emotional closeness, despite limited time together.
Schedule Intentional Time Together
When you’re both busy, you can’t just hope that your schedules will magically open up with free time. Instead, you have to set boundaries around your time and make intentional plans.
Sit down with your partner, and determine when you can block off time in your calendars. You might want to choose a weekend evening for dates, or avoid booking anything on Sunday morning so that you can enjoy coffee together. You can make these moments feel special, even if you’ll be staying home. Plus, you’ll always have something you can look forward to!
Offer Practical Support
What do you need help with right now? What does your partner need help with? Supporting each other in practical ways might not seem very romantic on the surface. But it can be a very generous, fulfilling way to show your love for your partner.
Maybe you and your partner can start tackling certain tasks that keep you busy together as a team, rather than handling them individually. You might also be able to find ways to outsource tasks that you find unpleasant. Furthermore, showing appreciation for each other when you’re able to help out is very gratifying. Celebrate each other’s wins, and remember that feeling supported leads to a deeper connection.
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If you and your partner are struggling to make time for each other in the midst of a busy season, we encourage you to connect with our practice and learn more about our couples counseling offerings.