No matter how old your child is, you’re bound to get into conflicts and arguments once in a while. If you’re the parent of a toddler, you might be dealing with frequent temper tantrums. Even if your child is in elementary school, they may have the occasional meltdown. Understandably, it’s not always easy to keep a cool head in these situations. After all, you’re stressed, tired, and busy, so when your child starts getting angry with you, it’s tough to stay calm.
You don’t want to respond in kind when your child is upset. Yet sometimes, it’s tempting to give in to those strong emotions. But it’s worth practicing emotional regulation, even when an interaction with your child is becoming heated. Here’s why self-regulating your emotions is so crucial if your child is upset.
Your Child Will Feed Off of Your Emotions
You may have noticed how your own mood can affect your child. When you get upset, you might notice them becoming more and more agitated. But if you’re calm, your child might find themselves calming down naturally.
On the other hand, if you start to get angry, this will only serve to fuel your child’s emotional state. People of all ages essentially feed off of each other’s emotions — it’s practically contagious. This also applies to you and your child.
A Child Won’t Understand Exactly Why You’re Angry
Children are not “small adults.” They do not have the same capacity to reason, regulate their own emotions, or anticipate the consequences of their actions. Therefore, you can’t respond to anger from a child the same way that you would respond to anger from an adult.
Regulating your own emotions allows you to handle the situation in a way that allows your child to learn lessons about communication and conflict. They may not realize how their actions make you feel, so responding as though they are trying to hurt you on purpose will not necessarily be effective.
Avoid Saying Things You Might Regret
When you’re upset, it’s all too easy to give in to your complicated emotions and say something that you may regret later on. But when you focus on self-regulation, you’ll gain a sense of control over what you say, and what you choose to hold back. Even a young child can remember if you say something hurtful.
Address the Root Problem
If you’re unable to regulate your emotions while handling an argument or conflict with your child, you might not be able to address the root problem that’s causing the conflict. Yes, sometimes these “causes” can seem quite silly to an adult. You may have told your child not to do something dangerous, and they might have acted out as backlash. Still, it’s important to be patient and address the reason your child is upset.
Children Learn By Example
Overall, parents have to teach by example. If you say one thing, but do another, your actions will demonstrate that you don’t necessarily believe what you’re saying. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while! After all, no parent is perfect, and it’s impossible to be patient and calm all the time.
But by practicing restraint and emotional regulation, you will be able to demonstrate these qualities to your child. Teaching them through your actions is the key to imparting essential life lessons. In the future, you’ll both be able to better navigate tough conversations.
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Are you having trouble self-regulating when your child does something frustrating? Working with a therapist can help you improve these vital skills. Reach out to us to discuss your options for booking your first session for parenting or child therapy.