When you make a mistake, do you end up telling yourself that you’re doomed to make the same mistake over and over again? If you say the wrong thing in a conversation, do you immediately start reflecting on every other time you’ve misspoken?
People often fall into the trap of “all or nothing” thinking. When you’re anxious about your actions, or something you said, it’s easy to assume that you’ve “always” done things wrong, and you’ll “never” be able to change. But these thought patterns are a trap that can limit your vision of the future, and leave you questioning whether it’s worth trying to heal. Here’s how therapy can help you reframe and address “all or nothing” thoughts.
Recognizing “All or Nothing” Thoughts
First, it’s important to recognize these kinds of thoughts when they pop up. “All or nothing” thinking is typically defined by two trains of thought. You might assume that a particular negative outcome will “always” happen, regardless of what you try to do differently.
On the other side of the coin, you might have a potential positive outcome in mind that you similarly assume will “never” happen, even if you make an effort to change. When you can spot this type of thought pattern, you can work towards reframing it.
Challenging the Thought
You’ve identified an “all or nothing” thought. For example, maybe you caught yourself thinking that you’ll “never” be able to gain the courage to go to a social gathering, or that you’ll “always” back out at the last minute. Now you have an opportunity to challenge the thought.
Can you think of a time when you did feel comfortable in a social setting? What about the kinds of circumstances that might make you feel more confident about attending a gathering? Chances are, the positive outcome you’re telling yourself could “never” happen has happened at least once before, and you’re capable of more than you realize.
Think Bigger
The future is full of possibilities and different routes that your life can take. But “all or nothing” thinking limits your perception. You feel trapped by a singular outcome, with every other possibility blocked off.
Life is so much more expansive than the vision these “all or nothing” thoughts confine you to. Allow yourself to think bigger, even if it seems absurd. Exploring creative paths for your future, and opening yourself up to new directions, can help you let go of “all or nothing” thinking.
Hold Space for Conflicting Emotions
You can build your confidence while still feeling anxious sometimes. Making small talk at a social gathering might not feel monumental, especially if you were nervous during the conversation, but it still serves as evidence against “all or nothing” thoughts.
If you’re able to take small steps towards your goals, you can see beyond these limiting ideas. Experiencing some anxiety doesn’t mean you’ll “never” accomplish anything new.
Practice Self-Compassion
“All or nothing” thinking is often rooted in a lack of self compassion. When you make a mistake, you jump to berating yourself. This negative self-talk is a form of “punishment,” and by telling yourself that things will never improve, you’re imposing psychological consequences on yourself for your mistakes.
In reality, everyone makes mistakes, and you’re capable of change. Your mistakes are not life sentences. Instead, they’re learning opportunities. When you begin to view mistakes as chances to discover something new, you can shift your mindset away from “all or nothing” thinking.
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Are you having trouble coping with “all or nothing” thoughts? I can help you overcome black and white thinking through my personalized anxiety therapy services.