Maybe you hesitate to emotionally open up with your partner and let your guard down. You might have dated someone in the past who dismissed your feelings, minimized your problems, or gossiped about private details that you shared in confidence. Perhaps your family was emotionally closed off when you were growing up, and you were taught that it was best to keep your feelings to yourself.
Fears around letting your guard down are usually rooted in past relationships where your perspective was not valued. Even if you have a loving partner now, it’s hard to shake your lingering reluctance to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. Here’s how to gently ease into a more emotionally open dynamic with your partner.
Deepen Your Self-Awareness
First, you might want to take some time to reflect on where your fears around emotional openness began. Were your parents highly guarded, or did your former partner remain closed off throughout your relationship?
Sometimes, these fears stem from old friendships, too. You might have allowed yourself to be highly vulnerable with a friend who later used your vulnerability against you. Understanding how these feelings started can help you unpack your reservations about opening up to your partner today. You can also identify situations that make you feel particularly guarded.
Create Space for Honest Communication
Take small steps towards sharing your feelings honestly. You don’t need to open up about your entire personal history right away. Even sharing your opinions about what you like and dislike, or minor insecurities, represents a step towards emotional openness.
In return, create space for your partner to share with you, and listen closely when they open up.
Embrace Imperfection
Opening up means getting comfortable with your own imperfections, and your partner’s. It may feel embarrassing to share mistakes you’ve made in the past, or issues that you’re struggling with. On the other hand, you may be nervous to hear about your partner’s own mishaps, wanting to preserve a flawless yet unrealistic image of them.
Openness requires acceptance and forgiveness. Sharing another side of yourself—and seeing another side of your partner—can help you grow closer. If you can accept each other’s flaws, you can build the foundation of a truly healthy long-term relationship.
Practice Patience
Sharing your emotions fully takes time. What if there’s something that you wish your partner would share with you, but they aren’t ready to talk about it yet? It's easy to jump to the conclusion that they’re hiding something, but in reality, they probably just need more time.
If you’re still waiting for the right time to share something that’s been on your mind, it’s not to say it's because you don’t trust your partner, either. You don’t have to dive right into intense vulnerability to prove your love for each other. You can take this journey day by day.
Consider Talking to a Therapist
You and your partner don’t have to jump into these conversations on your own. If you’re struggling with communication, consider working with a compassionate couples therapist.
In couples therapy, your counselor will create a safe, welcoming environment where you can navigate vulnerable conversations together. The right therapist can help you address past trauma or attachment wounds that might be holding you back from being open and honest with each other. They’ll also equip you with communication approaches to guide conversations outside of sessions.
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Working with a couples therapist can help you emotionally open up to your partner. Contact us to learn more about our couples counseling options and find out how we can support you and your partner as a team.