It’s important to have high standards for your partner’s behavior. Qualities like basic kindness should be non-negotiable in relationships. Furthermore, everyone will have their own personal standards, like sharing the same opinions on pivotal life decisions. However, sometimes people have unrealistic standards for relationships that lead to nothing but disappointment down the road.
This is not to say that you should lower your standards and accept a lack of respect, genuine support, or compassion and empathy from your partner. Instead, it’s important to consider whether or not your core standards are genuinely possible for a single person to live up to. Here are a few pervasive myths about romantic relationships that can create these unrealistic expectations.
Myth: You’ll Experience Love at First Sight
Nothing seems more romantic than the idea of love at first sight. But just because you don’t feel a strong, instant spark doesn’t mean that someone isn’t right for you. Attraction can grow slowly over time.
If you find that you’re compatible with someone’s personality, and the two of you enjoy spending time together, you don’t need to write off the possibility of a relationship if there aren’t butterflies. Give it some time, and see if you feel a deeper sense of attraction as you get to know each other.
Myth: Your Partner Should be Your “Everything”
Maybe you’ve always envisioned that once a partner came into your life, your other needs would simply disappear. You would never feel sad or lonely, as long as they were around. No matter what you wanted to do, you would always have them by your side to enjoy it with you.
But one person can’t be everything to you. If you hold this expectation for your partners, you’ll inevitably be let down by each and every person you date. No one can stretch themselves thin trying to fill every role in your life, and relying entirely on your partner for all of your emotional needs is unhealthy.
Myth: You Should Strive to Completely Avoid Conflict
Of course, no one wants to fight with their partner frequently. But having a relationship that is completely free of conflicts and disagreements is not realistic.
Even the healthiest couples deal with conflicts in their relationships. Keep in mind that “conflict” doesn’t mean raising your voices at each other. You can disagree, talk through your opposing perspectives, and compromise while staying calm.
Myth: You’ll Share All the Same Interests
It’s completely normal to want a partner who shares some of your favorite hobbies. Maybe you want to date someone who enjoys reading, hiking, or cooking unique recipes, just like you.
Relationships are more fun when you share interests! However, it’s okay for you and your partner to have some separate interests, too. You can still share interests with your close friends that your partner isn’t particularly passionate about, and you can enjoy your solo hobbies, too!
Myth: Love Should “Fix” All of Your Problems
Falling in love is beautiful. But it’s not the solution to all of your problems. It’s easy to assume that when you meet that special someone, everything in your life will fall into place. Either they will be able to fix your problems for you, or the things that used to bother you simply won’t anymore.
But at the end of the day, building a happy, fulfilling life is still your responsibility. Your partner can’t take on this job for you.
—
Do you feel like you’re struggling with unrealistic expectations when it comes to romantic relationships? A therapist can help you develop a healthier mindset. Reach out to us to review your options for scheduling your first session for couples therapy.