You and your partner have just welcomed a baby. You couldn’t be happier about your new addition. Yet at the same time, you can feel your relationship growing distant. You no longer have as much time for each other as you used to. In fact, you miss the connection you used to have.
Deep down, you know that someday, you’ll have more time for each other again. But when you’re in the thick of new parenthood, you need the love and support of your partner more than ever, and they feel the same way. Here are a few tips to help you bridge this distance and show your love and appreciation for each other, even when you’re adjusting to parenthood.
1. Expand Your Definition of Intimacy
Remember that intimacy doesn’t just mean sex. After having a baby, you may have to emphasize other forms of intimacy and physical affection. But a shoulder rub, a kiss on the cheek, an unexpected hug, or even an arm around your partner’s shoulders can bring those same feelings of intimacy.
Caring for a baby together is a deeply emotionally intimate experience, and physical affection can be part of this, even if it looks a bit different than what you were used to before parenthood.
2. Create Special Moments and Plan Date Nights
Right now, the idea of planning a date night might seem impossible. But you can still find ways to carve out a little time for each other. This will be easier once your household settles into a routine—especially when your baby begins sleeping through the night! Even choosing a TV show to watch together each night once your baby is in their crib can be a good way to designate some time for each other.
Once you’re comfortable leaving your baby with trusted relatives or a babysitter, you can start scheduling regular date nights. These do not have to be expensive dates. What’s important isn’t planning something luxurious—it’s focusing on each other for a bit. When you do have the opportunity to schedule date nights, you may even find yourself missing your baby at first. This is normal! However, it’s important to continue prioritizing your romantic connection.
3. Express Gratitude for Each Other
The early months of parenthood can be a blur. At times, you might feel like you’re putting in so much more effort than your partner. And at other times, they’ll likely feel the same way about you. It can take some time to get into a rhythm and find a fair balance for your responsibilities.
That’s why it’s so crucial to express your gratitude and appreciation for your partner. No matter how busy and overwhelmed both of you, take the time to thank them for everything they do. When your efforts feel mutually appreciated, it’s easier to take on the challenges of parenthood.
4. Check in Daily
Some days, you might be so wrapped up in your parenting responsibilities that you forget to check in with your partner. But it’s important to open up that communication window so that you’re always in touch with each other’s feelings. It may be a good idea to choose a time of day when you regularly check in with each other. For example, you might find it easiest to check in at the end of the day, or you may want to have these conversations before you get too tired! Being honest is key.
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Are you and your partner struggling with communication and intimacy after having a baby? Working with a therapist can help you work it out. Reach out to us to discuss scheduling your first session for postpartum counseling.